August: An Emotional Rollercoaster

August: An Emotional Rollercoaster

posted in: It's Just A Bad Day | 0


At the beginning of August I boarded an emotional rollercoaster. I got in, buckled up and was told to keep my arms and legs in the vehicle at all times.

The ride started off great with my excitement building towards #MedX. Up, up, up my cart was climbing and then I hit a surprising turn which quickly shot me down. My uncle, who was still in his 50’s, suddenly passed away.

Usually I like surprises on my rides, but not surprises like that.

Out of the situation arose a positive event though. My family from Austin, Texas came up to Pittsburgh for the funeral and it was really great to see them. We don’t get to see each other as much anymore.

Once I hit the bottom of the first drop, I started back up the hill of excitement towards Medx. Then my Grandpa all of a sudden started going downhill fast. 2 weekends ago he was at my house, not in the best shape, but he was still getting around. Now, he hasn’t moved from his bed in over a week, he can barely talk and when he looks at you you feel like he’s looking right through you.

I feel like I’ve been stuck in the upside down loops of this rollercoaster for the past 2 weeks. It’s making my stomach nauseous.

The Medx excitement keeps coming back and every time I think about it I get so happy, but I’m so conflicted on how my week will play out. I know my Pap Pap would want me to go and enjoy the conference, it’s such an amazing experience for me. I mean, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d receive a scholarship to go to a Stanford medical conference. But it’s not just that. . .

I love my Pap Pap <3
I love my Pap Pap <3

My Pap Pap is my idol. He’s a hero in my eyes. The obstacles he’s overcome in his life, the vitality he’s lived with, the love and joy he’s brought over the past 94 years is second to none. I know that most regard their grandparents in high esteem, but if you knew my Pap Pap you should consider yourself lucky. There are a lot of things he’s done that I’ll never know about, and I think I’d rather it stay that way, but when they talk about laying your life down for your country they should show a picture of my Pap. He was in one of the worst concentration camps during WW2 and he’s held on to that guilt for so many years. Before my Pap Pap stopped talking, he would talk about how he wasn’t going to go to heaven. He believed he was going to go and burn for millions of years in purgatory because of the things he had done. How heart breaking is that to hear? Someone who served his country, who put his life in such danger so that so many of us can live free today, is convinced that when he passes he won’t go to heaven. It breaks my heart. It just utterly breaks my heart.

I believe that over the past 2 weeks he’s realized that there is so much love and there are so many positive things he’s done that there is no way that he won’t be standing in front of the pearly white gates once he passes. At least I pray every minute of the day that he believes that now.

So it’s the last day of August, and I’m still on this rollercoaster ride. I’m currently being taking up a hill, but I cannot see what happens once I reach the top. I’m hoping that it’s a roller coaster that just keeps going up, but I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

If you have an extra prayer tonight would you mind sending it up for my Pap Pap.

Wishing You A Pain Free Day!