To be completely honest, no one person is ‘worst’ off than another person.
We’re all in this thing called ‘life’ together and have to navigate our way through.
In metaphysics, I always read that we cause our own problems. We have the ability to perceive things as good or bad, depressing or uplifting, monumental or miniscule.
Well, if that’s true, why do I cause myself strive? Why do I then ‘burden’ myself with anxious, angry and depressing thoughts? Why do I put myself through that? If I have control of it, then why don’t I just choose to see all things in a good light and not let things affect me?
Ummm because it’s so much easier said than done!!!!!!!
Recently I’ve become extremely forgetful. I’m talking about missing 2 or 3 BIG events because I blatantly forgot (even with them on my calendar), forgetting to send in documents that I promised in a certain timeline, forgetting that I have an email address and phone that people usually are expecting me to answer… It’s almost like I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by life? Yes, yes that’s exactly it. Overwhelmed by LIFE!
Right before I went down to Florida for my friend’s wedding, I had a HORRIBLEEEEE anxiety attack. I mean, I’m talking racing heart beat, sweating from everywhere, feeling like I was gonna puke, didn’t want to leave my bed- let alone my house, questioning everything, stressing about everything . . . it was really bad. I haven’t had an anxiety attack in a lonnnnnnnng time. I want to say it’s been like a year and a half. So when it came on I was really thrown off by it.
If you’ve never experienced a panic or anxiety attack before, let me just say this. You KNOW you need to calm down, but seriously your body just doesn’t want to calm the f down.
It’s times like that where I reach in my toolkit and pull out my handy dandy tools that I’ve been practicing to use in these situations. I started meditating, I doused myself with doterra’s serenity and balance, turned on my diffuser, turned on my Celine Dion greatest hits . . . I pulled out all the stops. Yet, I couldn’t calm down. I had to teach a class later that night and I started freaking out about that! Picking up my phone about 5 different times, I started to dial the Institute’s number to cancel my class. How the heck would I be able to teach people about health and wellness when I myself was FREEEEAAAKING OUT?!
I started looking at what I had done that day and the days leading up to that day.
That day I had gone to water therapy. I had spent about 30 minutes ‘walking’ on the treadmill in the pool (normally, backwards and then with resistance), among doing the rest of my exercises. I had left the appointment on such a happy note because my therapist and I talked about a plan to get off my crutches and then how we’d focus on getting off of my brace. Leaving the appointment, I legit had tears in my eyes because getting rid of my crutches was SO close. A few more weeks and I’d be able to hopefully leave them behind. I even started thinking about how I’d walk without them and started to get anxious because, seriously, what will I do with my hands?! For 2 ½ years I’ve had my crutches in my hands… now I’m going to be so awkward with my arms like ‘what the heck do I do with my arms while I’m walking’? haha! Once I had gotten home, I started packing because I was leaving for Florida the next day for my friend’s wedding.
Two days before the freak out, I had made grilled chicken and made a homemade paleo BBQ sauce. The BBQ sauce had molasses in it and I had also used an organic ketchup as the base, which had organic sugar in it. I’ve really been trying to steer clear of sugars because I’ve been trying to starve off the bacteria in my gut. I had really enjoyed the dinner and had eaten it the day before my panic attack as well.
2. Change with dropping my crutches
3. Traveling when you don’t know how you’ll feel is always a bit anxiety filled
I then realized that I could probably make a pretty good bet that all 3 of these things were definitely in play here.
So, no wonder my body was freaking out. I fed it sugar, a toxin – even if a portion of it was from a ‘natural’ source (molasses) and the other portion was organic. Sugar can totally make your body do cray cray things.
And change. Everybody has issues with change! And my change, man… it’s so emotion filled.
I’m so freaking excited because, uhhh hello! I want to be ‘normal’ and walk just like everybody else! I want to be able to take a walk around my neighborhood, or carry a cute purse that compliments my outfit, or hold hands with a cute boy while we walk. I’ve been working towards walking for so long!
But, it’s also super nerve racking too…. I haven’t been ‘normal’ in so long, I’m scared to be ‘normal. (hey, I admit it! I am!) My crutches have become literally a crutch for me. They make me feel safe and comfortable and when they’re gone I will feel naked and anxious.
Because I had, for lack of a better word, poisoned myself with sugar (which set off inflammatory responses in my body) and then started worrying and getting excited about my crutches (sending my body into fight or flight mode, aka shutting down everything in my body that’s not critical) no wonder my body started to freak out.
My class was getting closer and closer and I knew I had to do something. This was definitely a moment where I was glad I had a prescription of Ativan hiding under my bed. I popped half a pill (.5mg because I was afraid if I took a whole pill I’d be passed out in front of my class!), grabbed my oils and got in my car to have a Celine Dion sing along on my way to class.
By the time the class started I was much more relaxed and by the end of the class I was back to being my normal self. Partially I believe thanks to the drugs, but the other factor I believe was because I focused my efforts on something else (teaching a class on something I love!!! Health!) and didn’t allow myself to think about all the ‘issues’ I was making up in my head.
Yeah, sure I think so.
But how possible is that? Well, it’s definitely possible for me to not have eaten the sugar, but in that moment I honestly didn’t even realize I wasn’t handling my emotions well. We’re all human and we’re all going to experience events which we don’t handle well. Is that reason enough to beat ourselves up and spend time blaming ourselves for not stopping the anxiety attack?
No!! We need to show ourselves compassion and understanding. All we can do is try to arm ourselves with the right tools to help us in these situations and LEARN from every single one of them. Now having experienced this one, I can take what I’ve learned into the next one to help calm my nerves and bring my body back to balance.
Have a journal? (which you should!! If you don’t, go to Target, Walmart, TJ Maxx… anywhere! And get one!) Try this exercise:
Take a look at your own life and try to reflect on an instance where you maybe didn’t handle your emotions the perfect way. Take time and write about the experience. What happened? What were you upset about? Who was involved? Where did it happen?
Then, without being hard on yourself, what would you change if you had to redo it? Would you do something differently? Say something differently? Think something differently?
Once you’ve reflected on this, tuck it in your back pocket and remember it for the next time you’re in a situation just like it!
Wishing You A Pain Free Day!