Wake Me Up When It’s All Over

Wake Me Up When It’s All Over

First Day of Work! Had to take the obligatory picture that my mom took since I was in preschool!
First Day of Work! Had to take the obligatory picture that my mom took since I was in preschool!

Today is an emotional day for me. September 27th.

A year ago today was my last surgery. I often wonder if I would have experienced everything I have within the past year if I had not gone through with this operation.

Today’s my cousin’s birthday too… but that’s a happy emotion 🙂

And… Today is technically my last day employed at Deloitte. I’m really sad to be having to part ways with them because of my health issues.

 

Side note to Deloitters: I had a goodbye email all typed up in my drafts, ready to send out and then I was locked out of my account yesterday! So I apologize for not sending one out to let everyone know, but I wasn’t able too 🙁

 

Last June, 2012, I thought I’d be out only a few weeks for a minor surgery. 2 stints of medical leave, 2 surgeries, and hours spent cooped up in my bed bring me to September 2013. As I lay here (yes, of course I do all my blogging from my ‘office bed’) and think about the demands of my job I almost tear up at the thought of trying to do that now. Run, run, run, run, run… that’s how I used to be. Now the thought of having to walk from meeting to meeting makes my bones ache.

 

It’s days like this where I start to revert back into myself. I start to think ‘Why me?‘ or ‘Can’t this just be different!?‘.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I must go through what I have and what I still have to go through.

life-me-orlando-espinosaI know so many of you can relate to this. We try SO hard everyday to be positive, but sometimes we just need to breakdown. Yesterday in one of our AVN support group discussions one of the wonderful woman in the group said that when she feels like this she allows herself to have a pity party. For one hour. For that hour she can cry, get angry, be depressed… but once that hour is up then she must move on. I think that’s a great idea! For that hour take off your amour and let your guard down. ‘Let the snot flow’ as someone told me the other day. It’s hard to just ‘move on’ from these negative feelings … but after we have our chance to let our emotions flow we must, once again, pick up our suit of amour and put it back on.

 

lastdayThis past week I attended an essential oils class on how to manage your emotions and moods with oils. It was an awesome class and the speaker talked about when you’re feeling these emotions sometimes you just need to let them flow. When you’re letting them out tell yourself that this is an event and these emotions are NOT you. Once you’ve let them out then you can move on living and being you. The biggest thing we need to remember is just because we’re having these emotions doesn’t mean they define who we are. Your soul defines you- NOT your emotions!

 

Life is full of ups and downs. Great times and pretty shitty times. Wonderful, super, amazing times and times where you hope it never happens again. Over the past few months I’ve tried my hardest to be positive, but last night I definitely threw myself a ‘pity party’. It wore me out and I ended up passing out- but it’s exactly what I needed. I was angry, I was sad, I felt defeated. Walking into the office to turn in my computer, phone & badge was a very mixed emotional experience. Just 5 years ago I walked into that office so full of life, so full of hope, so full of dreams to make my mark. 5 years later I crutched out full of disappointment and anger towards myself and my health.

 

Sometimes you got the opportunity to walk red carpets with your managers.
Sometimes you got the opportunity to walk red carpets with your managers.
Other times you wanted to strangle your manager ;)
Other times you wanted to strangle your manager 😉

I’m grateful for all the wonderful opportunities that Deloitte has given me over the past 5 years. They helped me live out my dream of taking up residence in New York City! I was put on projects in places I probably would have never gone to other wise. And most importantly I made some pretty amazing friendships out of the gig!

I am hopeful that in the future Deloitte and I will continue to have a great relationship… And who knows! Once I’m all better I may be back! Thank you to all my partners, managers, colleagues, and everyone in between for some wonderful memories. At the end of this year I’ll lose my airline and hotel status… wahhhh everybody pity me! I’ll have to travel like a commoner again! 😉

 

 

This is one of my favorite songs of the moment and the lyrics really hit home…

“Wake me up when it’s all over

When I’m wiser and I’m older”

::Avicii feat. Aloe Blacc::  <– click here to watch the video

I wish I could just ‘wake up’ once my health was back to where it used to be. Wouldn’t that be AWESOME!? I’m sure there’s a doctor out there that could probably have that happen! I’ll be your test patient!

But seriously… This is definitely a day where I need to stop. Take a huge deep breath in and remember… it’s just a bad day. NOT a bad life!

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Remembering to breathe and wishing you a pain free day!

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