To feel supported, support yourself.

To feel supported, support yourself.

photo.PNGThe past few months I’ve become pretty obsessed with Gabrielle Bernstein’s message of “Chose love over fear”.

I’ve pretty much read all of her books and have been actively working to incorporate her messages into my everyday life. There are so many times I come across a lesson and think, “Wow, has she been spying on me for the last 10 years?????”.

In her new book, Miracles Now, Gabby gives us 108 tools to put in our toolbox which help us make subtle shifts in our lives. So many of her lessons brought up real life examples for me.

When I read ‘#3 To feel supported, support yourself’, I really started thinking. When it comes to support, there are so many times I’ve chosen fear over love.

Miracle Message #3:

If I want to feel supported,

I must support myself.

How do you get the support you need? Each of us most likely has a different answer to this question.

Aren’t people just supposed to know how to support you?

Aren’t people just supposed to treat you like they’d want to be treated?

Aren’t people just supposed to sympathize with what you’re going through?

I’ve learned the hard way that people don’t always do what you’d do for them. Is this unfair or wrong? I’m sure we can all be found guilty of behaving selfishly in one capacity or another, so I don’t believe it’s right for us to judge.

In all my support groups I hear so many say, “I’m not getting the support I need from *insert any friend, family member, or relative here*”.

85a690f908dcbbc10b555efdccdef2e3Last year I was the same way.

I spent the majority of my time dwelling on the fact that I WASN’T getting support from X, Y and Z. What I should have been doing was spending the majority of my time figuring out what I needed to do to support myself.

This is definitely an ‘easier said than done’ lesson.

Although I’ve only recently come across this miracle message, I realized that I unknowingly started following this message a few months back.

I came to the realization that I allowed my happiness to be dependent on outside circumstances. If these circumstances changed, so would my happiness state.

What do I mean?

Well, here is just one example ~

Before my disability I would have bitch sessions with my coworker friends about how if we stopped traveling things would be so much easier, we’d be so much happier and life would just be so much better. We’d have time to do so many other things, we’d lose weight because we’d be able to cook for ourselves every night and we’d be able to have a “normal” life.

Well, when I had to go out on disability I had to stop traveling every week.

Was my life so much easier, happier and better?

I did have time to do other things, but my fatigue and health limited me on what I could do. I didn’t lose weight, I actually gained weight, because I spent the majority of my time in bed. And this “normal” life we always used to speak of . . . I’m not sure there is such a thing.

In fact, rather than being happier (like I thought I would be) I was extremely unhappy. I missed the fast paced lifestyle, I missed having team dinners, I missed the ‘status’ that I thought came with the job.

fc75c5fd15f8fb3926397a6412cb9a2bMy complaints just turned into different complaints.

It wasn’t until I stopped looking at myself as the victim in my life story that I realized it didn’t matter.

None of it matter.

If it wasn’t one thing, it’d be another.

As my life circumstances changed, my complaints changed.

I looked back on my life and could identify with countless situations where this pattern occurred.

When I made this connection, I committed to living in the moment and allowing my happiness to be dependent, not on my location, circumstance or status, but on ME. This miracle made a HUGE change in the way I viewed my life.

If I were writing my life story would I have my 28 year old self living at her parents, unhealthy, unemployed and unmarried?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hell no.

She’d probably be living a big, lavish life up in Manhattan, married to a gorgeous man and be loving life. But as The Fault In Our Stars taught us ‘The world is not a wish granting factory.’

We only get one life and we need to be happy with what we’ve got.

Miracle Message #1

Happiness is a

choice I make.

Miracle Now’s ‘#1: Happiness is a choice you make’ miracle lesson was the only way I was going to get out of the cyclical pattern I was stuck in. Once I truly started making happiness a priority is when I unknowingly started following #3.

When I CHOSE to be happy, I no longer was depressed over my best friend leaving. I was no longer saddened by the lack of support I felt from my friends. I no longer felt discouraged about my career and future.

Because I was choosing happiness, I was no longer allowing outside circumstances to affect my happiness state.

That’s NOT to say they don’t still affect me – I’m a woman, I’m emotional. They still upset me. BUT I don’t allow myself to be over consumed by the thoughts.

So if you’re feeling unsupported by your significant other, best friend, mom, sister, or anyone else in the world, I have 2 questions for you.

aa664f850967d44e677ec58d29260763Are you choosing happiness for yourself?

and

Are you supporting yourself?

You can do this exercise in your mind or you can write your thoughts out in your journal.

I believe they’re two very important questions to ask ourselves. When you look inwards and let your soul influence your support and happiness, you stop allowing outside circumstances to negatively affect you. Looking inside yourself allows you to be the full and true you.

Let yourself be happy and let yourself be fully supported.

You 1000000% percent deserve it.

 

Wishing You A Pain Free Day!

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