I’ve found one of the things that has been the hardest to accept is the fact of where I am in life. That the future I HAD envisioned is going to be nothing like the one that I will experience. Not that it will be any less amazing, but just that my life has changed in so many ways. And in so many ways, those changes are for the BETTER.
I’m the type that always has different life plans. My family or friends always ask me what’s my life plan of the week. When I was working, my coworkers always joked about how I wanted to do something different every single day.
And it’s true.
Before, I really didn’t know where my life was going and I always was dreaming up something new. I’ve always been a dreamer (don’t think that will ever change) and day dreaming about my future has always been something that I really love to do.
One thing for sure that I know I want is a family. I cannot wait to have a family of my own someday. Taking cues from my Mom, I know I’ll be an awesome Mom. I can’t wait to go all out for holidays and birthdays!
If you would have asked me years ago, by now I would have been positively sure that I’d be married and have a family. But alas, I’m not even close. And, judging from where I am in life right now, I’m so glad my life didn’t play out that way. I couldn’t even imagine having a family and having dealt with everything I did the past 3 years. My heart really goes out to those of you who do have families relying on you and feel the way I do. You are the superheros of this world.
When all my health issues began, my biggest issue was I couldn’t see the end. I couldn’t see the light at the tunnel and I didn’t know where I was going. I always like to work towards a goal and with goals, there usually is a timeline attached. I knew the goal was getting healthy again, but no one could tell me a timeline. Hell, 3 years later I still don’t know the timeline.
I began to learn a lot of patience. Something that was severely lacking in the first part of my life.
Between graduating college and going out on disability, I was always on the go! Always focusing on the next goal, activity, social event, trip, project – you name it, my mind was always in the future.
Where was I going to live?
Where was I going to be next year?
Where was this relationship going?
I never was focusing on the here and now.
Sure, when I took trips I’d enjoy being in the moment, but looking back, I let my life fly by. Since 2008, my life seriously seems like such a blur. From moving in with my college boyfriend, to our breakup, to moving out, to meeting crazy friends, to moving to NYC, to traveling all over, to moving back to Pittsburgh, to more breakups, and to going out on disability . . . I have so many memories, I did so many things . . . but I was always searching for MORE.
I always felt lacking. I always was looking for approval.
I think there is nothing wrong with always striving to become a better person, but there comes a time when we have to stop and think.
Is that trip really going to get me closer to ‘happiness’?
Would being able to go out with my friends every night really cause me ‘happiness’?
Will I truly be fulfilled by buying X, Y & Z?
If I didn’t have this diagnosis, would I still be lacking happiness?
One of the greatest acts we can do is to start to accept that where we are is ok!
That we ARE enough! That we aren’t lacking!
I read this article on NYE and thought it was so on point.
Once we stop always thinking about the future, thinking about “how long” it will be until we go back to work, thinking about how “perfect” things would be if they turned out this way, rather than that – then we can stop always living in the future and really enjoy the present.
I’m NOT saying that having dreams and goals is a bad thing. Having them are one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves! BUT, dwelling on the future or keeping our head stuck in the past, hinders our ability to fully appreciate and experience the here and now. I truly believe that everything happens to us for a reason and every situation can teach us a valuable lesson. If we put our energy into loving ourselves and loving our journeys we can start to become more positive about where we are and where we’re going, rather than where we’re not and where we wish we would have ended up!
This week practice self love and use this affirmation.
Whenever you’re dwelling on something negative from the past or something you want in the future repeat this “I accept my journey and where I am today.”
You may not believe it at first, but you’ll begin to identify when you’re dwelling on past or future events and can start to make a shift in your consciousness.
Wishing You A Pain Free Day!